Silently Crying
by Angel Reid . Tobias Dominik
Summary: Ron didn’t talk that much anymore. Not after the war..and then there was Malfoy.
1. Silently crying

Title: Silently calling you

Chapter: 1/?

Rating: R, to be safe.

Disclaimer: I own not Harry Potter or any HP merchandise. Too bad, though

Dedication: Ah, I dedicate this to the lovely Alcorest, who has more than likely become the Malfoy to my Weasley. Well, only because Alcorest loves to kill my heart. Blah.

Warnings: Yaoi. Ron/Malfoy. Kinda depressing. 

-     I only talk a little while //\\ I'll be quiet soon     -

Ron didn't talk that much anymore. Not after the war, after Hermione, his family, and Neville had been lost. No one blamed him; he'd been through a lot for a sixteen year old. Harry wasn't back from Nigeria, where he'd been sent to bring back a student or something of the sorts, and Ron had stayed in his room, quiet and lonely and pathetically sad. It actually physically hurt Draco Malfoy to think of it. This was mostly his fault, he figured, because Dean and Seamus had blamed him for it. Of course, that really meant nothing, but Draco wouldn't believe that. Besides, Ron's depression just seemed like something he'd end up causing whether he wanted to or not. 

            Sometimes, Ron wanted to scream. But screaming announced the possibility of conversation, and he just wasn't ready to talk, not yet. But to scream, to just let out all of his anger, all his frustration would be a thing of splendor. Of course, you'd never hear Ron using the word splendor, because Ron Weasley just didn't use big words. It was unheard of, unknown, and not right. There were most likely better words to describe it, but he was too tired to go look them up. That was more of a Hermione Granger thing to do, and he didn't do anything like his former friend. After all, what good were her intelligence if she were dead now? 

            Then there was the Malfoy thing, something Ron wasn't ready to face ever. He couldn't bring himself to hate the other teen, even after he had betrayed not only Ron but himself by letting their relationship go on a simple jealousy issue. Ron couldn't help it if he needed to touch someone at all times. If he didn't he feared they'd leave him alone, like his family members, who had fought so brilliantly at his side, had. Now the teen was miserable, heartbroken, and Draco flaunted what they had, dangling it like fresh meat. It was awful. Horrible, and if, like Hermione, he'd carried a pocket Thesaurus, he would have many other names to call it as well. 

-     You don't seem to listen anyways//\\ I'll be leaving you alone soon.     –

            Of course, Malfoy didn't understand why Ron always needed to touch people. It confused him. He had never needed anyone with him; he was use to being alone. And even though he and the red head had tried to remain friends, he still patted his shoulder and such, the red head had become more secluded from him then before. It bothered Malfoy more then he'd like it to, and that in it's self worried him. He didn't want to care. He wanted to forget what they had. What they'd lost. 

            This, of course, was proven by Malfoy ignoring Ron and spending all his time with Pansy instead. Ron didn't mind; they were friends, and friends hung out. But he wished sometimes he could be included, if only because his own friends were gone.  SO, instead, Ron would sit alone, trying to avoid Seamus' and Dean's questions or conversations. In all reality, in a time like this, surprisingly he missed Neville. The other teen had been pretty close to him without knowing it, and now, he only wished he'd been nicer to Neville. 

-     Even if you watched me//\\ you'd never notice the signs     -

            Everyone understood that Ron was off limits while he was still grieving. The only problem was, Ron had yet to stop grieving. It had been nearly a month, and the red head had gotten, if possible, worse. People would whisper about the marks Lavender had found on his arm in class, talk about how he fell asleep in class, wonder why he skipped off potions or care of magical creatures to sleep in front of the old maple down by the lake. No one asked him about any these things; why push when it could only drive him further?

            Or maybe it was because everyone thought he was going crazy. Which could have been true, he was well on his way at least. People who went through wars like that tended to go crazy, didn't they? Of course they did. But it didn't matter, nothing mattered anymore. Nothing but the sweet escape of a steel blade and the angry words that slid over his protective bubble like rain on a slate roof. But Ron felt his gutter was clogged, and that soon, everything would build up to the point that he'd explode. But when would it happen? 

            Malfoy had, if possible, gone back to how he had once been. Angry at Ron's mistreatment of himself, he pushed him away, and everyday he felt a little bit more of his old self returning. Which was neither good nor bad, but a little bit of both. He couldn't stand seeing Ron that way; broken and alone. 

                        Then again, it wasn't like he was trying to fix Ron either.


	2. Crying for you

Title: Crying for you.

Chapter: 2/?

Rating: R, to be safe.

Disclaimer: I own not Harry Potter or any HP merchandise. Too bad, though

Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to Melerune, because…ehh. She's kinda the Harry to my Ron. Always there…but, you know…not?

Warnings: Yaoi. Ron/Malfoy. Kinda depressing.

//\\ Not only do you not listen, you don't care//\\

            When Harry came back, Ron was deeper in the rabbit hole then anyone could have imagined. Harry had always been Ron's safe haven, always. Harry took all the attention off of Ron when needed, held him when he needed to be held. Harry told Ron everything would be all right, that nothing could harm him.

            Of course, not everything was alright. Ron could be harmed.

            Then again, it wasn't like Harry tried, once he came back, to fix his friend either. Harry, as it was, still had this horrible fascination with Draco Malfoy. Well, more of an obsession, to say the least. Anyways, he wasn't there for Ron as much as Ron needed him. Ron didn't blame him, of course; Harry could do no wrong, not at all. Harry was perfect, or as close to perfection as it was possible. Ron loved Harry to bits, idolized him and all. But Harry tended to avoid, ignore, or become oblivious to Ron and more interested in Malfoy after awhile. 

//\\ You think you're a good friend, but really your not.//\\

            Ron wanted to be alone a lot. Draco noticed that. Harry noticed that. The only one who didn't notice that seemed to be Ron himself. But that might have had something to do with the deep depression the red head seemed to be in. 

            "You're not being a good friend, Harry." Seamus stated, eyes on the Boy-who-ceased-to-pay-attention-to-his-best-friend. Harry glanced up form his eggs, which were much more interesting then most of the conversation going on at the Gryffindor table. "What do you mean?" Harry asked, glancing at the Irishman curiously. "Ron. We need to get him out of his depression, Harry. It's not healthy. He could hurt himself." Harry looked at Ron. "I guess. But what can we do?" Seamus pointed a fork in Draco's direction. "Talk to him. He's the reason, I swear he is." Harry glanced at Draco. "Malfoy?" Seamus nodded, and Harry went to talk to the Slytherin. 

            "Ron? What's wrong with him?" Draco asked, all concerned and yet not concerned, as if being concerned would seem rude and  not being concerned was, well, _fake_. "I don't know. He's all depressed and everything. No one knows, but Seamus thinks it has something to do with you." Draco glanced at the red head, who was picking at his eggs. He was thin, thin enough to see his ribs, and pale. He looked like death reincarnated, and it bothered Draco. Ron, the boy who had once had so much energy he couldn't sit still for five minutes, now had barely enough energy to get to each class. "We should help him." Draco stated, unconscious that his lips were moving, but aware he had spoken. "But, how?" Harry asked, eyes on Ron. " I'm not to sure."

//\\ You love me, but just yesterday you told me I disgust you.//\\

            Ron loved his owl. He really did. The tiny bundle of energy was the only thing that could stand his company for long. It would sit with him, quieter then a mouse, as the teen played chess against himself. He sometimes thought he was going crazy. Crazy people did the types of things he did, late at night or during the day. It hurt to think that he was distancing himself from those he loved, but it was safer, he was just destroying himself and would bring those around him down as well if they stayed close. 

            And then the nightmares started. 


	3. As Much As It Hurts Me

Title: Crying for you.

Chapter: 3/?

Rating: R, to be safe.

Disclaimer: I bought the Harry Potter. Yeah, right.

Dedication: Ehh. This dedication's up for grabs. Lets say…Collin. He bought me breakfast. 

Warnings: Yaoi. Ron/Malfoy. Kinda depressing.

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                                                -3- As much as it hurts me…

//\\ This is where I belong sometimes…//\\

            Ron's nightmares started with Draco and ended with Harry, and were the worst things he'd ever had to bare witness too; even if it was only a dream. And every time, every night, he'd wake up screaming, shaking and crying, lost in a world of shadows and illusions until someone held him and spoke softly to him. Lately, it was Shamus' job, since no one else would wake up to the screams. 

            When the nightmares became to much, Ron was moved to the hospital wing. "Ron? Can I sit down?" Ron's eyes darted from the teenager in the door to the chair beside his bed. "Yeah, go ahead, Draco. Not like I can stop you if you want to." Draco made his way to the chair and sat down. "What's up?" the blonde asked, running a hand through his hair. Ron stared. Staring was rude, and he knew it; but he stared regardless. "I'm crazy." He stated, shrugged casually. Because, really, who wasn't now a days? "Crazy? I doubt it. Or, at least, as crazy as me or Harry. Why don't you let us help you, Ron?" Ron shook his head. "You can't help me." The powder blue hospital gown hide the thinness form Draco's view, but he knew that Ron looked horrible. Nothing like the beautiful creature who had fought with him in potions, mere weeks before the start of the war. "I can try, Ron, and I will. I want the old Ron back. I want you to hit me and yell at me when I tease you. I want you to hang out with Potter and get into trouble with Snape. I just want to see you smile again." 

            Ron didn't remember how to smile. He'd thought about it, and he just couldn't remember. He remembered it felt nice; but he couldn't remember how to smile, no matter how hard he tried. "I can't smile." He stated, tossing a glance at Draco. The blonde shook his head. "You can; you just don't want to. Please, Ron. Try to remember." Ron laid back, memories running through his mind. Harry and himself, playing Quidditch with the twins. He and Draco, watching the sun rise in the astronomy tower. "It hurts to remember." He said, quietly. Draco took his hand. "Why?" Ron's eyes drifted to the hand intertwined with his own. "Because then I remember we're not together anymore." 

//\\ But I'm getting better now...//\\

            Harry and Draco spoke constantly about Ron lately. Of course, they had just reason. He seemed to be getting a little better with each visit from the two. Both loved the boy dearly; how could you not? And now, Ron was joking. 

            Which may not seem like a big deal to most people, but Harry and Draco rejoiced when Ron asked "So, how's Snape doing? Is he missing me yet?" Harry very nearly cried. As for Draco, Ron found himself enveloped in a tight hug. 

            "I really do feel better, guys. You don't have to check in on me every break. And look; now I have class work to keep me occupied. So go on, go get some food or something!" Ron's pleas were half-assed, though. He really did enjoy having the two boys visit him. It was like a guilty pleasure. And of course, the two teenagers liked to visit him. Now that he joked, it seemed that he was getting better. But he had yet to smile.

            No one mentioned it when Ron started coming to classes again. In fact, everyone smiled and asked him what was up, and how did he feel? And Ron just nodded and answered truthfully; He was busy with homework and he felt a lot better, thank you. Harry made sure no one bugged him too much, and Draco glared at anyone who bothered Ron. 

            It was nice how they were looking out for him, but Ron decided that it was a bit over done. And he told them that. "Guys, thanks for looking out for me, but really. It's over done. Too much. You know." And they did, really. Because it had always been the same with them. Harry knew best; And Ron didn't blame them, really, for trying to keep him his old self. But he still wasn't the 'old' Ron; he doubted he ever could be again. The 'old' Ron would be loud and anxious and excited easily by the prospect of almost anything. The 'new' Ron, he was tired often and while still happy, he also sat quietly and played chess for hours on end. 

            Sometimes, he contemplated just what had happened that fateful day almost five months ago, when Hermione had given him one last smile before throwing herself into the battle, the last one of her life. If only he hadn't pause to yell at Neville, she would still be alive. Still be here. She would be playing with his hair and telling him he was being silly, and didn't he have homework? He missed her; she had always been a good friend.

            Harry missed her too, of course. But Ron, who wasn't use to losing people, had taken it hard. His family had been torn apart by this war; his best friend lost, and his relationships changed forever. Hermione was gone, and so was Charlie. Ginny, then Percy in a mind blowing turn of events in which the third oldest Weasley turned sides. It had hurt; while Percy hadn't always been the greatest brother, he was still a Weasley, and Ron loved him.

            Of course, Ron hadn't been the only one who'd had a family member turn on them. Many people were distraught to find their mothers, brothers, sisters or fathers among the dead Death Eaters. And every time someone cried for a family member lost, Ron's heart torn a little more. It hurt him to see others hurt.

//\\ And This Is My Home, Here With You. //\\

            This was home. This was home, because Ron only felt safe with Harry and Draco. It was alarming at the rate Ron was recovering; alarming but welcome. Ron's smile was coming back, and to this, the other teens rejoiced. If it weren't for the fact that Ron still couldn't remember how to smile, they would have felt that he was as recovered as he could be. But he couldn't smile; not yet. 

            And that still worried Draco. Because Ron wasn't Ron unless he had a smile on his face. Harry let it slide, but Draco; who still loved Ron, bless his little heart; just wouldn't forget. Ron's smile could brighten the darkest place, and Draco missed it. He missed it as much as he missed Ron himself; he needed the red head back in his life as he had been. Need to hold him and kiss him, to tell him he loved him once more. 

            He could; he could waltz right up to Ron and tell him he still loved him, and wouldn't he come back to him? But he wouldn't. He was scared, and with due reason. Ron couldn't smile; so did he even remember what love was? Could he love again, after the horrible things that he'd done to him? Draco loved Ron, loved him with all his heart. But he had done horrible things to the teen, had broken his heart. Had pushed him away because he had started to shy off, and had been to scared to say anything. 

            And Draco blamed himself, because he felt that because he hadn't paid enough attention to the beautiful teen he had held mere weeks before. And it hurt. It hurt like the stabbing of a thousand tiny needles into his heart; like a burning sensation of his heart turning to ashes. Like the Dementors kiss. He'd lost something more precious then his soul; he'd lost the only person who he'd ever loved, who'd ever loved him. 

                                    And he vowed to get him back.

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Never write this sort of story while listening to Reflection's from Mulan in French and then My Band……it rots your brain. Like glue. ^_^ Any who, review and I shall add more…hey, if you want to flame, go ahead….I've gotta get some fuel to start a fire to slow roast my brother sometime!


	4. this is what we've been waiting for

Title: This is what we've been waiting for  
  
Chapter: 4/4

Rating: R, to be safe.  
  
Disclaimer: I own Ron's views...does that count for anything?  
  
Dedication: This one's dedicated to my fans...or at least, those who read this....no one's flamed me yet. It makes me...kinda sad. Flames are fun. Lol.  
  
Warnings: Yaoi. Ron/Malfoy.  
  
To my people: (For all the chapters so far; sorry I haven't done this sooner!)  
  
GhostHelwig: Yes, Dear. Will do, dear. And oh, don't cry horsy! hugs the horse Ya know, I think it needs a shorter name...  
  
I Heart DM 11: Yes, since you so nicely asked, I shall continue. Draco hopes he gets Ron back too. wink  
  
Raven's Light: Of course I updated it. XD How can I refuse?  
  
Sarai-IceElf: Heh. That's the effect I hope it would have...thanks for the compliment.  
  
Viu: looking forward to another review smile  
  
Arynnl: Thanks, and look! More chapters!  
  
Cosmos: Heh. Draco wants to help. He's very protective of Ron.  
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--You tell me you want to love me --  
  
Ron's smile returned on a Saturday in May. The sun wasn't shining, the birds weren't singing, and the world did not seem a wonderful place. No, it was a dark, stormy day; the reflection of the lightning on the highly polished great hall tables told him so without even looking up. But it wasn't as dreary as the others in the castle seemed to think it was; it was calming, not nerve-racking.  
  
Draco sat beside him, one arm draped over a to-thin shoulder, precariously stealing glances from the teen beside him. He knew that Ron was getting better; knew it and reveled in the fact. Harry was also there, seated on Ron's other side, eyes on the ceiling. The sound of the storm was rising, and to his left, he spotted Ron's face light up as the lightning crashed throughout the hall. Glancing over, he caught it; the slightest curve of lips on Ron's face.  
  
Draco caught it the same time, and his and Harry's eyes met as Ron let loose a laugh and a full blown smile. "Ron! You're...you're smiling!" Ron's grin widened, and he pointed to the ceiling. "I can't help it...I love the rain." This simple statement let the two boys beside him realize that Ron was truly better; nothing could compete with a full blown Ron smile.  
  
--This is the stop where I get off. --  
  
Draco wondered if, since Ron's smile had returned, if the other teen would be able to love again soon. The first step, he told himself, was getting him to forgive him for leaving the redhead in the first place. This wouldn't be easy; but then,. Nothing in life worth doing was easy.  
  
"Ron, could I have a moment, please?" Politeness, as it were, had never been a strong point for Draco; and even if he want to be with Ron so much, even if he wished he'd seen how much he'd loved the red head before, now, it was difficult to get he proper words out when he was near him.  
  
"I suppose. In the common room, then?" Draco nodded, and Ron lead the way, back to the common rooms, where only several people noticed their arrival at all. Taking up spot next to three first years; who's eyes grew large and began to whisper at the presence of two of the hero's of the war, Ron turned to Draco.  
  
"Alright, what do you want to talk about?" Draco's eyes remained focused on Ron's lips; so full and beautiful, he could remember exactly the way they felt pressed against his, the way that they tasted, like cinnamon, even if Ron hadn't had any for ages. He remembered how wonderful it felt...and he wanted to feel it again, feel Ron's lips against his, his body pressed into his, clinging to him.  
  
So he did. Ron's eyes widened as his once lover leaned forward swiftly, pressing his lips against the redheads and bringing back memories, memories so sharp in Ron's mind that he could hear the words once whispered in the safety of their old bed.  
  
Draco was the first to pull away; Ron sat, silently contemplating what had just happened. It was difficult not too; he still loved Draco, but Draco had hurt him...  
  
It was all so very confusing, to be perfectly honest.  
  
"What was that for?" Ron whispered, voice barely audible. Draco brought a hand to Ron's face, a calloused thumb drifting across those red lips he'd just kissed.  
  
"Because I'm madly and deeply in love with you, Ron. Can you ever forgive me?"  
  
-- I can't handle any more of your taunting. --  
  
"I don't know....I don't know. It's...will you leave me again?"  
  
The question pierces through Draco's heart like a sliver of ice; it hurts, it burns and it tugs and he doesn't want Ron to think it could ever happen again.  
  
"Nothing in life's a guarantee, Ron, love, but for you, I'll never leave. I won't go anywhere's. I...I love you. I love you so much that it hurts."  
  
Ron's eyes are hard on Draco; testing and true, and when he finally moves, finally says something, Draco sighs in relief.  
  
"You really hurt me, Draco. But...I think, maybe, I can love you again. It might take some time; but I did love you once, and I'm pretty sure I still do." Draco's smiled widened his face, and he slowly took Ron's hand, oblivious to the stares and the whispering around him.  
  
"Well then, let's give this a try, Ron." And with that said, he leaned in, kissing away all the doubts in Ron's mind, and while others stared, they realized that this was love, true love and nothing else.  
  
--But then again I can't get enough. --  
  
Harry thought Ron looked...happy. Which was good; happy was a good thing. Happy meant that he and Draco were back together; meant that Harry didn't have to constantly worry about his best friend, and most importantly...meant that they could get on with their lives. He had Cho; pretty little Cho who loved him and hugged away his fears and tears.  
  
He had Draco, an enemy turned friend, who would watch out for his best friend until the very end. This would be helpful, as both Harry and Cho had planned on a vacation that summer, and if Draco came, Ron would surely come too.  
  
And he had Ron, his best friend turn happy again. He was glad; Ron laughed and smiled, loved and grieved, and everything was normal now. Normal as normal could be, for what was normality when it was more entertaining being abnormal?  
  
It was all worth it. And even if he missed Hermione and the others, and that they'd always be remembered and honored as they should, Harry was happy. The weight of the world wasn't on his shoulders anymore.  
  
--and now I'm so happy... --  
  
Draco was happy. Happy that it was all over. The war, the recent ordeal...everything was as it should be; a settlement into routine life suited him just fine now. And as everyone around him seemed happy; he remained as so.  
  
Harry was a good friend; he didn't know why he hadn't seen that before, or why he'd always hated him. No, that was a lie; he knew exactly the reason for it; why he had always fought with 'Potty and the Weasel'. There were two reasons, the first being he had hated how they were so righteous.  
  
The second was Ron. Harry had always had Ron, even when Draco had wanted him so badly it hurt. And when Harry found out about Draco's feelings for Ron, in the middle of detention, he had been sympathetic. And that had been their first step to friendship.  
  
Ron, Ron was...Ron was wonderful. Beautiful and grandiose, everything he would ever need. And did he need him. Ron was air to him; without the red head, he was sure that life would be hell.  
  
And A Life In Hell Is Not Worth Living.  
  
---Happy as can Be. ---  
  
And Ron is happy.  
  
Everything is good now, nothing is going wrong.  
  
He's missing the others, but that's alright; those who live will help him through just well.  
  
He's positively happy, and wouldn't have it any other way.  
  
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A/N Well, that's it. I know, it's a crappy ending. Sorry. Heh, for the ending, I was going to put "He's positively happy, happy in hell' because I was reading an Evo fic of that title...ah, well. Tell me what you think!


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